Paranatural Ghost Adventures

Spender: “Welcome to Paranatural Adventures, with your host Rick Spender! As usual, I have my trusty trainees with me. We have Max on camera-“
Camera swivels to Max’s face.
Max: “Yo.”
Spender: “Max! Camera on me! Ah, that’s better. Now we have Isabel, our main ghost wrangler-“
Camera on Isabel.
Isabel: “ ‘Ello, mates!”
Spender: “-Ed, who can sense spirits-“
Camera on Ed.
Ed: “Hiya, guys!”
Spender: “-and Isaac, who we use as ghost bait.”
Camera on angry anime boy.
Isaac: “WHY DO I STILL AGREE TO FILM THIS SHOW-“
Spender: “Currently, we are outside Mayview’s abandoned hitball store, where the unrestful souls of the past’s hitball players still roam the halls. Time for us to investigate!”
The camera bobs up and down as the five enter the building. It is dark and dusty.
Spender: “Ed, status report.”
Ed: “I can’t feel any ghosts in this area of the building.”
Off camera voice: “Uh, we’re right over here.”
Spender: “CUT!”
He moves over to the gaggle of ghosts angrily as Max shuts off the camera.
Spender: “Can you guys pretend to not be here?”
Ghost: “Uh… I mean, sure…”
Spender: “Okay, just… float there until we cue you. Aaaaaand action! Ed, status report.”
Ed: “I can’t feel any ghosts in this area of the building. We should move to the basement. That’s where all the paranatural activity happens.”
Spender: “Alright! Heading to the basement!”
Spender cues the ghosts to follow him off camera.
Ghost: “There is no way we’re going down there. Don’t you know this place is haunted?”
Isaac: “…You’re literally gho-”
Spender: “WHAT’S THAT? I THINK I HEARD A GHOST TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH US!”
Ghost: Yeah, I just said something…”
Spender: “SPIRITS OF THIS PLACE, I COMMAND YOU TO SPEAK TO US. WHY ARE YOU HERE?”
Ghost: “Well, I went here to get away from YOU guys, I don’t know about anyone else here-“
Spender: “YOU SAY YOU’RE TRAPPED HERE?
Ghost: “Uh-“
Ed: “I’m getting a bad vibe from it, Mr. Spender!”
Ghost: “I didn’t agree to this.”
Isabel: “Crikey! We’ll need to get this spirit out of here, and fast!”
Ghost: “But I just got here.”
Isabel: “In order to get this ghost out of here, we’ll need to catch it in a vessel! Isaac, c’mon over here!”
Isaac: “Oh, God, not again.”
Isaac goes over to Isabel, near the group of ghosts.
Isabel: “You see those spots of light? That means a ghost is nearby!”
Isaac: “I think that’s just the camera light-“
Isabel: “You’ve never seen ghosts like I’ve seen ghosts! Those are ghost spots! Go stand in one of them. We need the ghost to take over your body so we can physically walk it out of this decrepit place.”
Isaac goes over and stands in the middle of the ghost group.
Isaac: “Like this?”
Isabel: “Exactly!”
Ed: “Hold on, I’m getting something.”
Max: “What do you feel, Ed?”
Ed: “The ghost can’t take over Isaac’s body because he’s too much of a dork!”
Max: “I feel it too!”
Isabel: “Me too!”
Isaac grumbles and walks back over to the group of kids.
Spender: “It looks like we’ll need to do this the hard way. SPIRITS, IF YOU ARE HERE, INDICATE YOUR PRESENCE BY MAKING SOMETHING MOVE.”
Ghost: “I’m not a poltergeist. Are you a poltergeist?”
The ghosts start mumbling to each other, but none show any indication of being able to touch physical objects.
Spender: “CUT! Okay, you seriously can’t just tip over a lamp or something?”
Ghost: “No.”
Spender: “Fine. Do SOMETHING then. Aaaaand action! SPIRITS, IF YOU ARE HERE, INDICATE YOUR PRESENCE BY- WHO JUST TOUCHED MY BUTT?”
The kids all point at a ghost who’s making a getaway. Spender angrily whirls around and shakes his fist at it.
Spender: DARN YOU TO HECK, YOU GHOST! DARN YOU TO HECK! YOU MAY HAVE GOTTEN AWAY THIS TIME, BUT WE’LL BE BACK FOR ANOTHER GO AT YOU!”
Ed: “I can feel the ghost leaving. Good work, team!”
Isabel: “Aw, and I was all ready to wrestle it!”
Max: “I think I got some good footage. We should go back and review it.”
Isaac: “I feel violated.”
Spender: “And that’s a wrap! Join us here next time for another episode of Paranatural Adventures, where we’ll be investigating Mayview’s haunted lake. Does the Loch Mayview Monster really exist? We’ll be the judge of that! Good night everybody!”
Camera turns off.
Spender: “Good job, crew. Suzy will believe we fight fake ghosts now. Our secret is safe. Head back home, and I’ll see you for club tomorrow!”
They all part ways.